At the beginning of last week everything was fine. We are a happy family of 5. Expecting My 4th and DH 1st. When we got together i was finished having anymore children. Ask me a year ago if i would have any more, i would've said when hell freezes over. Well my DH walked into my life and I melted when he expressed he wanted a child of his own.
Last tuesday we had our first Ultrasound test at 13 weeks, specifically NT test. I had already gone in for my bloodwork. At said ultrasound i saw them measuring and in the back of my mind i thought the pocket of fluid they measured was a little bit large. through pictures on the internet i was able to see what "normal" looked like.
Needless to say, by the end of the appointment our lives were sent on a rollercoaster. We were counselled and told because of my age (35), my beta hcg 1.5 MOM, and my PAPP-A 0.15 MOM that our baby had a Very high risk of trisomy 21. my risk levels were trisomy 21 (1:2), trisomy 18 (1:8), trisomy 13 (1:8). The moment they told us this my world changed. They immediately told us that I was a candidate for CVS, And i had 1 day to decided if i wanted it or not. I knew that if i didn't have it done, i would have to wait 2 more weeks for a amnio. We had the CVS on Thurs. And were tols the results would be back by Mon or tues at the latest. I agonized over the weekend. Going over the numbers in my head all weekend. Spending my nights Crying beacuse i had a feeling.
We got the results yesterday MAY 4, 2009 at 3:40pm. Our baby boy has downs. My world has changed..... everything i ever thought was going to happen has changed. i am having trouble letting go of "what should have been". I am having trouble letting go of the idea of the normal baby we were suppose to have and accepting the child we will have. A part of me even hopes that i will have a misscarriage. to me it would be esaier to deal with that than i TOTAL life change. I worry about my older children, 14, 5 and 3. My 5 and 3 year old, will they get the attention they need? my 14 year old..... he's old enough to realize the difference. How is he going to cope?
At this point we have decided termination (as they call it) is not an option. We were both raised to believe all life is precious and given by a higher power. We have no right to take it. I have never known or know of No one that has a DS child. i don't know what to expect thought the rest of my pregnancy. i don't know what to expect when it is born. All i know is there will be lots of test and more test. My DH knows no one either. This is ALL NEW to both of us.
I know i need people to talk to and who will listen and REALLY understand why we are goin through. Which is why i joined this group.
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